SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Stranger Things Have Happened (Part I)

A couple of months ago, I worried that I’d bro-ed away my chances with this guy Jake, a stranger I’d encountered in the East Village while I was scarfing a hot dog. He had called out the lyrics to “My Dick” as I’d passed with my wiener. I had responded to his call, equally competent [...]

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The Curious Incident of the Hot Dog in the Night-Time

Anyone who survived Stunned’s Super-Official Hot Dog Week knows of my affinity for the frankfurters. At 11:00 p.m. last night, after being forced to eat nothing but gruel for dinner (translation: I only had oatmeal in the apartment, literally), I was seriously hankering for a frank. Such hunger-lust was destroying my hulu.com viewing of Friday [...]

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Walking to a Different Beat

I never had any real tendencies towards rebellion. The closest I’ve ever come to feeling like a bad-ass: secretly listening to explicit music in horribly inappropriate settings. For example, this week, my private thrill was listening to “My Dick” by Mickey Avalon on my iPod while in the waiting room at the optometrist’s office. (I [...]

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Caught in the ‘Net

As a product of my environment, a poster child of today’s “Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs” society, and an undeniable slave to trend of all genres, I spend most of my waking hours connected to, thinking about, and using the internet. One of the most revolutionary developments of my adolescent life was, undoubtedly, wi-fi. [...]

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