SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

He’s Just Not That Into You

Today I went to the movies with my (straight, believe it or not) best guy friend and we saw “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Despite the cheesy endings, overall, I really liked the movie. We had some great laughs at Ginnifer Goodwin’s expense as her cute, but unlucky in love, character broke all the [...]

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Lunch Break (Part II): Close Encounters of the Bird Kind

In my previous post, I described the less than desirable circumstances of lunch at the office with my less than desirable co-intern, Sushi Girl. The series of events led me to Bryant Park where I encountered the Bird People. Bird People appear completely normal, with the exception of their giant signs that proclaim, “Stop Bird Porn!” What? One [...]

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Insecure Men On the Prowl

Last week we addressed a male reader question about why women are so “complicated,” so I only thought it fair that this week we hear what a lady has to say: Dear MB – Two and a half months ago a guy, I’ll call him G, started pursuing me non-stop. I never dug him, but he [...]

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Daze of Our Lives

As I reflect upon my lifestyle here for the past month, I feel disturbed by my standards of living. I can’t seem to get anything done and, what does get done, is rarely done right. It all adds up to a trinity of dysfunction: The Clothes After a month plus of living here, I still haven’t done [...]

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Central Parking

If spring represents budding romance and sexual awakening, summer is all about the scandalously hot love affair. As the air gets heavier, so does the petting. This theory materialized right before my eyes last weekend as I witnessed a particular mating session in Central Park. This was my first journey to the park since the move [...]

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Nightlife Paradox: You Can’t Sell Liquor, by That I Mean You Can Only Sell Mass Quantities

Wednesday night Upstairs, the exclusive SoHo club and location of much debauchery like dollar bill tossing, was raided by the cops. Old news. The charges had something to do with liquor license violations and a legal problem with the sound system. All I focused on was trying to hide my inherent panic: Where would I [...]

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Punta Day 2: Breaking & Entering

Previous Post: Punta Day 1 Remember in childhood P.E. classes the dreaded running game known as a “relay race?” You’d pass off a baton, ball, stick, or rock (pending on the funding of your elementary school’s P.E. program) panting like a maniac trying to beat the opposing team. The process described above is similar to how we [...]

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Dead Dogs and Royalty

So you’re out, enjoying your perfectly reasonable life when by chance you pass the pet shop on 61st street where the most adorably handsome, fluffy little puppy you’ve ever seen somehow convinces you to take it home. And even though your life is near perfect and you really don’t need any distractions you say, “fine, [...]

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Pink Scarves & TV Stars

I haven’t been to Pink in weeks. I was under the impression that I’d actually kicked my Thursday night addiction, yet somehow got dragged there (I blame the wine at dinner) for Wilhelmina’s Modeling Agency’s 40th Anniversary after party last night. The first thing I noticed as I approached the 27th street strip of debauchery [...]

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Kill Me Karaoke Videos

Karaoke rarely sounds good, but it’s usually not this bad. You guessed it. This time around at Cipriani’s Upstairs’ weekly Sunday night shit-faced singing shebang I had the genius to videotape what was going on. I wanted visual and auditory proof of the ridiculousness because I don’t feel anyone who reads this blog can fully understand [...]

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