SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

If You Loved it then You Shoulda not YouTubed it

Quick pause on everything I wanted to write about this week to dissect my intense horror / fear at a website I discovered today called SingleBabies.com. What is it? Some enterprising mom and dad in New Zealand who videotaped their innocent 13-month-old infant Corey dancing to Beyonce’s never-endingly popular tune Single Ladies. They threw it up on [...]

Continue reading...

“Faking It” to Your Advantage

So by now you’ve probably all surmised that I’m a bit of a basketcase. In fact, you’re probably wondering how I manage to hold down a job, a boyfriend and care for two adorable cats. Well, I’ll tell you all my secret for making it appear like I am keeping it all together, with a [...]

Continue reading...

If I Were An Advice Columnist Take 2!

Since my first column worked out so well (well, in my mind at least), I thought I’d continue to help people and try it again. Here’s the latest call for help I received . . . Dear, Subway Gal. I have a problem. I’m a 16 year-old girl who pretty much has it all. I mean, I [...]

Continue reading...

Do Your Hips Grind Low?

“How was the dance? Was there grinding?” “Mo-om!” I suppose it was a fair question to ask–she had heard about The Grinding at the high school dances. Naturally, she was just curious about the scene. But I was too sensitive to see it as merely a line of gossipy questioning. It was the way she said “grinding.” [...]

Continue reading...

Conversation With My Mother

Mom- “Kimberly, I am sorry to bother you at work, but I have a very important question to ask you.” Me- “What Mom?” Mom- “How do I check my voicemail?” Me- “Mom, you have had a cell phone for two years now, what do you mean you dont know how to check your voicemail?” Mom-”Are you typing right now? [...]

Continue reading...

Why I Imagine My Roommate’s Parents Having Sex and other lively events

My new roommate has a weird phenomenon going on in her life called, ‘her parents are still married’. It is very strange and I am not quite sure how to handle it. For instance, on holidays she only has 1 house to go home to, I mean, that’s just strange and no step-half-quarter-from-another-mother anything. Sometimes [...]

Continue reading...