SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Reverse Schedule Dating

This is the story of a close friend of mine: a cutthroat career woman who started dating…a bartender…at nightclub Kiss & Fly. (Don’t judge her.) I know what you’re all thinking – that this scenario seems a little weird, but trust me, after seeing Hannah with eligible-executive-suit-type after eligible-sporty type for years (and it never [...]

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Summer Love, Part IV

Continued from Part III “Is this responsible?” I’m thinking to myself as I cross SoHo at a rapid pace, rushing back to my apartment in the hope that I might have time to shower the stench of a four-hour long barbeque, sweaty sunscreen, and an illicit kiss off of me before seeing - the person [...]

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Summer Love, Part III

Part 1 and 2 here We pull up in front of Sport’s apartment since he’s first on the logical stop on our drop people off program. As I wrote before, my cell battery died in the car, so even if he’s tried to text me, I have no way of retrieving, reading or responding to such [...]

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Summer Love, Part II

Part 1 here So we left off in my friend’s SUV. Somehow he scored shotgun, which is actually a huge relief since sitting next to one another in the back seat after our furtive make-out session might have been more than either of us could endure with a straight face for the two-plus hour drive home. If [...]

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Things You’re Glad Didn’t Happen To You

Most magazines for women are completely retarded and filled with inane articles about how to please your man in bed and be “just bitchy enough,” and advice like you should always wax your bikini line, eat vegetables instead of cheeseburgers, and never wear granny panties. You know, great practical advice for real world women who are [...]

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