SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

The Perfect Father’s Day Gift for Dad: Strippers!

I’m minding my own business when I get an email from Kari Feinstein PR agency in regards to Father’s Day (which will be here before you know it folks, so prepare - Sunday June 21) subject heading: “Father’s Day Ideas Dad Will LOVE!!!!!!” Because my dad’s the absolute greatest, I open the email immediately. I find [...]

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Raped by the U.S. Government

This past weekend, as I was happily going about my business, getting ready for the movies, I received a most disturbing phone call from my accountant. He effectively ruined my day with one simple phrase, “you owe money on your taxes.” I dropped the phone. Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?! I never owe money on my taxes! In [...]

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My Kind of Party

I’ve often wished that I could see naked photos of a guy before agreeing to a second date, or even before accepting a drink. Saturday, my wish kind of came true (sort of). Someone I knew had extra tickets to what she described as a ‘man auction,’ yes, man auction, and considering how starved we [...]

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If I Were An Advice Columnist Take 2!

Since my first column worked out so well (well, in my mind at least), I thought I’d continue to help people and try it again. Here’s the latest call for help I received . . . Dear, Subway Gal. I have a problem. I’m a 16 year-old girl who pretty much has it all. I mean, I [...]

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MTA: Doing less, while charging you more

What do you think of my new slogan for the MTA? Much more fitting than “Going Your Way,” don’t you think? In case my fellow NYC commuters haven’t yet heard, the cost of public transportation will most certainly increase again in June, which also happens to be the month I was born in, so happy birthday [...]

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We Don’t Call Them Strippers Anymore..We Call Them Money Belt Attendents

“Ok Kim, you can do this…you can do this…” I was prepping myself in the back of my mind. “Just walk in, just walk in like you do this all the time, like it’s no big deal…it’s no big deal…”“COMMON KIMM..” I heard someone say. I stared at the front door of the strip club. How [...]

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