SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Gone in 60 Seconds

When I wrote about my first date with Marquee a few weeks ago, I failed to mention that I returned to the club the very next night. My pride only just got out of rehab. This time, I was there for another event. I’ll be honest: I don’t even know what the specifics were–only that it [...]

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Objects in the Mirror May Be Larger Than They Appear

I was having a good week. It wasn’t so much that things were going my way, but my demeanor was partly sunny with a very low chance of precipitation. I’ve been concentrating on a more care-free attitude, an attempt to perspire less over life’s minor details. The fact that I’m actively working on setting my [...]

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The Rambling Road

Friday Evening, 9:00 p.m.Port Authority Bus Terminal I am sitting on a Greyhound Bus. We were supposed to leave an hour ago. The girl behind me starts to lose her composure. “Can’t we just, like, leave?” She says to no one in particular. “We’re like an hour late.” She has one of those grating voices made to command [...]

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Yes Marquee Can

After being in New York for nearly three months, my social scene remains somewhat limited. While MMB tends to frequent the most exclusive nightclubs in the city, her little sister is reluctant to venture out of the East Village. I’m comfortable in the scene I refer to as NYU.S.A.—an address that’s a fusion of [...]

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Burned

Last weekend, I ventured skeptically back to Lit. A previous post about my first night at Lit was a rather glowing review, but don’t assume that I’ve been spending most my life living in a hipster’s paradise (yes, that was a Coolio reference). My second encounter with the bar left me burned. It was a Friday [...]

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Lunch Break (Part II): Close Encounters of the Bird Kind

In my previous post, I described the less than desirable circumstances of lunch at the office with my less than desirable co-intern, Sushi Girl. The series of events led me to Bryant Park where I encountered the Bird People. Bird People appear completely normal, with the exception of their giant signs that proclaim, “Stop Bird Porn!” What? One [...]

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The Other Intern

I recently started a “job” (paid internship) in unfamiliar territory (an office, midtown). I’ve been a bit out of my element, but at least I’m not alone. Or so I thought. Another intern started the same day I did. Just minutes after my own entrance, she strutted into the office in a pair of five-inch heels [...]

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Working It Out

I got a job! That’s a lie. But it rolls off the tongue better than, “I have a paid internship!” I won’t bore you with the details of the internship itself, but there are definitely some hang-ups to being the new girl in the office. The Coffee Machine Gun In Home Alone, Macaulay Culkin’s character is petrified of [...]

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Walking to a Different Beat

I never had any real tendencies towards rebellion. The closest I’ve ever come to feeling like a bad-ass: secretly listening to explicit music in horribly inappropriate settings. For example, this week, my private thrill was listening to “My Dick” by Mickey Avalon on my iPod while in the waiting room at the optometrist’s office. (I [...]

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Facebook Unfiltered: More Dangerous than Ever

My feelings about Facebook.com have always been mixed. Like many of my peers, I rely on the website for purposes of social research–a fancy phrase for “stalking.” Time spent on Facebook is an indulgence, a guilty pleasure that, like the occasional cigarette, can quickly spiral into an unhealthy addiction. You start out doing it once in [...]

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