SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Life Forms Outside of New York: DC Edition

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about my recent trip to Vermont entitled ‘Life Forms Outside of New York.’ This is the Washington DC edition. Yes, I voyaged to our nation’s capital. This is always a frightening prospect. I worry: Will DC citizens quiz me on my knowledge of American history on random street corners? Will I confuse [...]

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Life Forms Outside of New York

This past weekend I voyaged to Vermont. Everyone said I’d morph into an icicle, not realizing that risk of death by frostbite wasn’t the point. I just wanted to get Out. Of. Manhattan. Let me reiterate: OUT! Sure we love the chaos, the clubs, dodging people’s spit and watching drunk men use our discarded water bottle as urinals [...]

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I Guess I’ll Have to Stay Home…

So I’m flying back to New York today (i.e., reality, thank God) and was browsing over all the details on the Aer Lingus website to avoid any problems, like the ones I had with those filthy money-grubbing fucks at RyanAir. While looking over the extensive list of items that aren’t allowed on board, in checked [...]

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Miami New Year’s Recap

Those of you who want to read about my enlightening New Year’s Eve dinner in which I saw both God and TI on the same night, can do so here. Next, we went to the Gansevoort, where a $300 ticket will get you a premium shelf open bar, a theoretical view of fireworks, and witness to [...]

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Lobster Banana

I’ll fess up to it. The glittering ‘FABulousness’ of Miami isn’t really what I wanted to do for New Year’s. I’m apparently going through something my friends now call “my hippie phase” which in short means I no longer dress like I’m going to diva-walk down a high fashion runway when I go out (probably [...]

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Day 1 in Miami: Vita

Day 1 in Miami. We arrive at the Dildo Island house, run around, and eat a fake pre-dinner to make sure we don’t get too hungry for our 9:30pm real dinner. We have a reservation for fifteen friends at hotspot restaurant Vita. I say ‘hotspot’ because this is what I’ve been told. Let’s keep in [...]

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Live from Spirit Flight 206 to Miami

Every winter around this time a mass exodus occurs. New Yorkers fly away in packs because five months of consecutive winter is just too much for anyone spoiled enough to live in the Big Apple to bear. The destination? Always somewhere warm, except for those NYC crazies obsessed with skiing, snowshoeing, and vacations in Aspen. Last year, I [...]

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Full House

While MMB was lucky enough to escape the trenches of the family vacation, the extended fam drafted me to come up to New England for the week, an order I could not avoid due to my current state of unemployment. So as she gets ready to go live it up in the Hamptons for the long [...]

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Summer Fun Reflection

Today I woke up legitimately fatigued. Every bone in my body felt like it’d been broken and loosely put back together. I felt like I’d gone through some sort of human paper shredder, survived a journey through a juicer. Then I realized why: I’m jogging through that home stretch in the marathon that is New [...]

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Fourth of July Funnies: Day 1

Thursday. It came so fast I don’t think anyone was truly ready for it. Even the most professional organizers don’t have much experience dealing with 3-day weekend scenarios in which Friday’s the day off. So after countless emails and what felt like hundreds of debates via MSN, someone in my Hamptons crew made the executive [...]

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