SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

The Early Midlife Crisis

Ever waken up from a traumatized sleep to realize what you spend $160,000 getting a college education in perhaps doesn’t interest you at all? And your job seems more like a waste of time designed only to test your ability to refrain from physically attacking people? A place where you enjoy spending time in the [...]

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Men: Insane?

Now I know a lot of my male readers aren’t going to like the title of this post, but there’s something 100% whacky going on. I don’t know if it’s the recession, the month of February, mid-winter illness or Valentine’s Day, but it seems the males my friends and I know are ‘invaded-by-pod-people’-level off their [...]

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Metrosexuals Gone Mad

Definition: Metrosexual is a neologism of the 2000s generally applied to heterosexual men with a strong concern for their appearance, and/or whose lifestyles display attributes stereotypically attributed to gay men. And I think it’s gotten out of control. There are less men on the east coast than the west in general. Many in New York actually are [...]

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The Whys Of Life

-Why must the sweater I am wearing be so damn itchy it feels like I got attached by an actual giant chicken pox? -Why must the girl at the gym who is 40 (dresses like she is 20) work so hard on her hot body… when in reality she should be working hard on her busted face? -Why is [...]

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Texting for Sluts

So I have this friend..let us call him “Pohn” so as to not confuse you with his ‘real name’. So Pohn and I used to work together many years ago. It was during a time when he wore braided belts and I had highlights the color of warm urine. It was not a good time [...]

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Hiatus

On a one week Hiatus until next Monday. If you would like to guest-blog for me this week, please email me something funny ( I will be the judge of what is funny in Jesus’ book) and it may or may not get posted. And I may or may not have the bubonic plague, but [...]

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Work Attire Shmashmire

“So” She said on the phone to me after a particularly late night at work. “I went to Bloomingdale’s to pick out a new outfit for work…and I had to make the forever daunting decision…of whether to look like a mom or a hooker.” Just thinking about “work clothes” I could feel the bile building up [...]

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Seven Facts and The Day of Whys

In response to MSPuddings request…I have to post 7 things people don’t know about me….I normally don’t do this “request” shit but considering MSP is from LA I don’t want to mess around with her, I hear those west coast girls are some crazy bitches… And as a timid, LL Bean wearing, Northeastern’er, I am [...]

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