SelfAbsorbed.ME : ‘It’s Your Life, We Just Write it Funnier’

Considering a Career Change

So, by now I assume you’ve gathered that I’m not 100% satisfied with my career. I’m more like 50%. On a good day. So I guess 30% would be more accurate. Regardless, I’ve been trying to come up with alternate career options for a while now, because the thought of doing what I am doing [...]

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The Best Job in the World

Back in the day, way too many years ago, I had the best job in the world. I didn’t know, or appreciate, it at the the time, but when I was 15 and 16 I worked at Carvel and over the years it’s become painstakingly clear that this was and probably will be the best [...]

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The Case For a 3-Day Weekend

If you’re like me, you tipped your hat off to Martin Luther King Jr. on Monday and thanked him for the day off. If not, well then that really sucks for you and you should put in a complaint with your company’s HR department. Three-day weekends are amazing. In fact, I’ve been trying (in my [...]

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Married to The Job

This past Sunday, Boyfriend received a scolding e-mail from his boss, which I found ludicrous. In this e-mail, which he was reading on his Droid, which he was required to get when taking on this job, asking why he had not replied to an e-mail from their client that was sent earlier in the weekend. [...]

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For the Love of God, Take a Sick Day

This past weekend, I came down with a vicious cold. And I don’t just mean you’re usual run-of-the-mill cold either. I’m talking swine flu-like symptoms cold . . . or what I would imagine having the swine flu would be like if I ever had it or knew anyone who did. My nose was like [...]

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Kiss and Tell

At 1:00 p.m. this afternoon I sat alone in The Womb, the cozy corner cubicle I share with my coworker, Sushi Girl. Headphones on, I’d tuned out the office–the irregular hums and whirs of desktop computers, the low buzz of fluorescent lights, the small bits of conversation that travel out of context. I was listening [...]

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Another Cheesy Thanksgiving Post

Remember last Thanksgiving when I wrote a post about people who should be more thankful? Well, GOOD NEWS! This year I wrote another cheesy Thanksgiving-related post, but this year it’s all about me (something new and different). Many of my posts consists of me bitching about all the things that I don’t like about life, like [...]

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THAT Guy

We recently hired a new second receptionist (I am the first, and senior, receptionist) at my job, and to be perfectly honest, it hasn’t exactly got me thrilled. Let me tell you why. This guy is one of those guys. This guy is so fucking cheerful all the time you’d think he eats fucking rainbows and cotton [...]

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Dear Monday Morning,

Dear Monday Morning, Monday Morning I have been thinking about you a lot recently. And not simply because you are here…right now…in my face…with your arms up in the air, ready to punch me square in the nose. Some people quite enjoy you. In fact they feed off of you, getting revved up for the rest of [...]

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What Happened to Common Courtesy??

As my regular readers have probably picked up on by now, I have a lot to say about other people’s rude/obnoxious/incompetent/disgusting behavior and today is no exception, because today I tackle the topic of “common courtesy” and what the hell has happened to it. And I’m not talking about people who aren’t courteous on the [...]

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